Religion?? Me???

For those of you that know me, you know that religion is something I am usually more against than for. I find most religious sorts to be fanatical at times and for the most part hypocrites. Like most things, I think the idea is nice and all but really doesnt play out very well in reality. Most of the bloodshed of the world happened because of religion. People do many crazy things in its name and twist the Bible to say what they want it to. However, let us not confuse religion with faith.

A very good friend of mine believes in God wholeheartedly and through the years we have pretty much come to the understanding that it is a subject we don't discuss because it can only go in one bad direction. This weekend she gave me a gift. It was a personalized Bible with a journal to jot down thoughts in when I felt so inclined. Normally I would have politely taken it and said my thank you's in a moment that had me feeling awkward and it would have ended up buried in a drawer with a bunch of other stuff that never sees the light of day. Instead I felt nothing but love and was extremely grateful for it. No one has ever given me a Bible before and the fact that it came from her meant everything. I guess you could say I felt loved. We may not always agree on the subject but it is one she holds dear and believes in wholeheartedly. The fact that she believes it helped her and loved me enough to want to extend the help to me was enough to make a little book seem very special.

Right now, I need all the help I can get. She knows this and if there is a God, whether he cares or not, it could not have escaped his attention. So, every night I will simply open it and read something. Call it an experiment if you will. Maybe it will help, maybe I will learn something, who knows. Worse case scenario, I miss 3 minutes out of my day and I know I have wasted a lot more time on a lot less. So starts night one of my religious experiment.

Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself

Fear...it is the one emotion that can infiltrate itself at any time under any circumstance in any situation. It can consume a person and is a powerful drive behind a great many actions. It is mainly an individual and often personal feeling, but why? Why is my irrational fear of cocroaches not universal and why is it mine? I know it is just a stupid bug that is actually harmless but that doesn't stop me from jumping on the nearest piece of furnature and screaming for someone to kill it. Even more pertinent of a question is, why is the person on the floor below me, crunching the dastardly thing with their shoe looking at me like I am insane? Is there even such a thing as a universal fear?

The saying goes that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. I say that is slightly incorrect. If there is a fear that encompasses all of us, it is that we fear ourselves. Fear, I believe is based on all the insecurities of a person. Courage only can come when we challenge the fears and meet them head on. Much easier said than done though. In order to even begin to accomplish this feat you have to first, just like an alcoholic, admit that you have a problem with your fear.

For me, there is nothing to fear but failure itself. You would think, having accomplished the art of failing numerous times, that given the sheer numbers, I would be immune to such a thing by now, but sadly that is not the case. Everything about me, scares me. Rarely do I live up to other people's expectations and standards and while some would say, set your own and live up to those, that is only easy if you live in your own bubble. Lately though, every decision I make seems to be the wrong one. Perhaps I just am going about things all wrong. So today I am writing to ask how other people judge their decisions and their actions. When faced with a challenge, how do you know which path to chose and how do you come to that decision?