I want to start by saying that yes this is a blog about my own negative views on attachment parenting and no I am not condeming all those who use it, I just personally think it is stupid and if you think that what follows this will offend you, I ask you to now stop reading and read something more to your liking. With that said....
Yeah stupid and here is my example that has me going off on this particular subject today. Some of you may or may not know that I am a preschool teacher now working with toddlers. Today I saw a particularly sweet young girl who was rather grumpy and later found out that this child, her parents and sister all sleep in the same bed as part of their attachment parenting. But, they all go to bed together at the parents bedtime which is generally between midnight and 2am. This sleepy child then was roused in enought time to get her to school. It is a proven fact that young children infants through the toddler stage need anywhere from 10 to 14 hours of sleep a night. Don't believe me? Ask a pediatrician or 5. This child was two and never has near that amount of sleep because she has no bedtime and her parents are running on their own schedule which conflicts with their children and is having more of a negative impact than anything else.
Here is where my problem lies. Generally, the people I have notice practicing attachment parenting are bypassing their childs needs in order to follow this fad whose popularity has only recently grown to a recognizable level. Thing is, your child isn't a fad or a trendy accessory or attachement. They are a living breathing human being whose needs far exceed your own. In order to establish your child as a functional well adjusted part of society, there is no need for a parenting "type". You want your child to establish an attachement to you? Simply be a good parent and the rest will follow. What does this mean?
It means, children need sleep and lots of it so give it to them. They need their own space as well as time with others. They thrive on a schedule and need boundaries. Without this you get that kid you see in Wal Mart that makes you question the direction of mankind. They need healthy food to eat. Leading me into point two...breastfeeding. I did it with both my kids so I am very pro breastfeeding but like with everything, there are limits. Once a child is able to eat a steady normal diet to fullfill all nutritional needs, there no need for the nutritional value breastmilk holds. Nursing a child until they are 4 or 5 serves no purpose at all except to allow the mother to hold onto a bond that is no longer necessary. I mean really.....create a new way to bond and get used to it. You will proabably have to keep creating for the rest of your life because change happens and it is healthy.
With both these points, bedtime and breastfeeding, it would seem that attachement parenting is less about the kids and more of a way for a parent to fullfill their needs through their child. Many children I have come across being raised this way, either become normal people in spite of this rearing, same as all those that aren't, or they become people who are not self sufficient, have attachement and social disorders, and no boundaries.
I am not a perfect parent, there is no such creature. However, I believe in paying attention to my kids need and wants and instead of following a style of parenting, trying to understand and do what is best for them with the philosophy "all things in moderation". I don't need my kids to be overly attached to me and they sure as hell don't need that either. They need a mother that loves them and shows it in a variety of ways, encourages them to be independent and balanced. My kids and I don't need a rulebook on how to raise and be raised. We do things our own way and it works a hell of a lot better.
