I love Taylor Swift. Yes I said it and I meant it and you can disagree but it won't change how I feel. That girl wears her heart on her sleeve and has the ability to write lyrics that say just how I feel about so many relationships. Brokenhearted and hurt and sad are her thing and I can more than relate. Problem is, it hasn't done me much good to continue getting stuck in that state and recently I hit rock bottom because of it. If it wasn't rock bottom, it was pretty damn close.
I am not going to air out all my dirty laundry online but I do wish to speak to a few of the situations I am finding myself in and I expect that like Taylor's songs do for me, a few of these scenarios might hit a chord or two for you if you are reading this. On to my first point.
I am not responsible for someone else's actions and/or inactions. People, this is in Psych 101 and I am finding that I am being blamed for not only my actions but the actions and professionalism of someone else as well. Now, does putting it in writing make anyone else aware of how silly this is? No matter what situation you create in your head here, I am NOT responsible for how another person does or does not do his job. If you have a problem with the product of his work or his professionalism or lack thereof, take it up with him. Do not put that on me. It serves no purpose, fixes nothing, and has only led to making things worse. I am accountable only for what I have done and blaming me for other people's mistakes as well as my own serves no purpose, obtains no goal and only serves to place more blame and hurt on an already broken person.
Stop involving everyone you know in an issue that does not concern them. This has been going on for years with me and it needs to stop. So one person sends an email to another about a private issue. This person then forwards it to a bunch of people, calls these people and circles the wagons to prepare for an onslaught attack. Well now they have gathered a posse all to gang up on someone. How very grade school bully of you. Involving other people in arguments with another is not venting or trying to work things out. Taking all the people you have in common and trying to turn them all against the other is extremely manipulative and hateful. It is essentially attempting to take away any and all support in an effort to show your dominance and power through fear and aggression. This is a war strategy and to use it against someone you claim to love when it wields no positive outcome in order to make them submissive is both sadistic and cruel and serves no real purpose. So I say do your worst. Anyone who wants to continue to beat me down while I try to get up or knock the supports out from under me while I try to stand again and does it all in your name, I have no use for this at the moment. As long as they wish to be hurtful for cruelty's sake, I am done no matter how much I don't want to be because I have to be.
I have made mistakes, a lot of mistakes. We all have in our lives and some are bigger than others. There is nothing you can do about the mistakes of the past and to have people continue to throw them in your face and degrade you helps no one. Telling me I was wrong does nothing. I am not stupid. I already know my mistakes and many of them I have paid for more than any one person could know. However, if you are in my life it is because I want you there. Friend or family, I have created a support system which doesn't mean you have to agree with everything I say and do or that you cannot have feelings or emotions one way or the other. However, I have taken actions to remedy my errors, to do the right thing and to try and become a better person. Either help that process along so that a positive goal can be reached or go away. Hating on me just creates drama and negatively and makes everyone's life more difficult. It is like trying to swim while someone is trying to drown you. Guess, what? You both go under.
So I will still probably continue to listen to Taylor and wear my heart on my sleeve the way she does. But I need to start taking on a little of Miranda Lamberts attitude too and maybe, just maybe, I can end up with a Carrie Underwood type of view on people in general.
Just change "cheated on" to "hurt" =)
