Multi Faceted

On my road to self discovery, I am finding more and more out about myself. Today, I learned that many people see me in many ways and that I have a multitude of interests that shape who I am and how each person sees me differently. My life has never been about just one thing and that is the way I like it. It is easy to give people a name based on their career or passionate interest but I don't know if that subject could be narrowed down for me. What brought all this up for me was an opportunity for a part time job that I really would love to have working with the Historical Society. History has always been an interest for me but few people know this. It was always more of a self indulgent hobby that I kept more or less to myself. It is one that I have found myself persuing in the last few months and really enjoying. The other interest that I have become more involved in these past several months is paranormal investigations. Since I was 14 I have found myself in a job that I had to have that I never really enjoyed. Teaching came close but there were too many hassles associated with it (parents, idiotic school boards and admin). This is the first time in my working adult life that I have taken a break from work, taken a good step back, and re evaluated what I WANTED to do, not what I should or have to do. For the first time, it feels like it is up to me to decide my own fate and I can play around with that a little. So why these two hobbies? People who have known me for a while know my obvious passions such as horses, children, singing and music. But these are all the same things I have been involved with since childhood. It seemed time to discover what other things I enjoy, not that I wanted to give these up, just add to them. So I have. The Paranormal and history go hand in hand. History fascinates me, especially the Civil War/Victorian era. Every time I see a picture or am at museum or watch a tv show, I wonder what it was like to live then. When I think about the paranormal, I don't really imagine Slimer from Ghostbusters. To me, it is the unknown gateway or connection to answering that very question of what was it like. If you could try and communicate to the past, why wouldn't you at least try? Worst case, you end up sitting in the dark, talking to yourself like a fool and I know I have done more foolhardy things than that.

Television These Days

I have found myself watching TV less and less these days. The common response to this is usually "good for you". However, my reasoning for this is for no other reason than the content.

The reality shows on TV boggle my mind and the popularity is something that completely confuses me. Watching shows like Teen Mom, Jersey Shore and Real Housewives in my humble opinion has no entertainment value and only shows people how to emulate bad behavior. If you want to see bad behavior, just go to Wal Mart. Why are networks paying teenage parents to neglect their children and behave horribly? Why are they paying entitled drama filled rich people even more money to behave badly on camera? Why is Snooki, a drunk fat skank a television icon with her own doll and Halloween costume?

Is this what has become of our world? Teen mothers, rich drama queens, and stupid drunks have become our idols and hero's? Why did this happen? What do the adults loving these shows, teach their children? Do the fans of these shows even stop to ponder this? A better question is, how can we turn society around? Media has a huge impact on our society whether we like it or not. I believe that is where reform should start. So if anyone even reads this, do your future and society a favor and watch shows with actual heros and heroines or watch cartoons. Not saying only watch PBS but be mindful of the things you watch and the morals you display.

Calm Before the Storm

Day before Thanksgiving....I know I am not the only one with that anxious knot in their stomach wondering if the house is clean enough, do they have all the needed groceries, is everyone going to arrive on time? In this family though, we do up this Holiday like no other. The morning starts much like other normal Thanksgiving morning. The crowded house wakes up and there is the normal hustle and bustle in the kitchen while others take showers and get ready for the day. In our house, we each have a dish that we are in charge of and have been for a long time. I have a handle on the pumpkin pie. Cay does the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce and Leah makes some fabulous intricate dessert. Misha will not be here to cook this year =(. Since I moved down to NC, my family usually spreads out between my grandparents house and mine.

The Harrell clan over the years has pretty much rolled a family reunion and Turkey Day into one huge 3 day event in Burgaw NC. Yeah, you heard me...3 days. Tonight and every night before Thanksgiving is Chili Night at Aunt Edna's house. Very informal and everyone brings a side dish and drinks and wait for all the stragglers to arrive. The kids have arranged an annual hide and seek game and long lost relative catch up from the previous year. The next day, more food and family. When I say family I need to let you know that the head count usually is between 60 and 85. Usually a group will get together that isnt doing cooking and go hunting or arrange a game of sorts. The rest of us spend our day in the kitchen. Due to the sheer numbers everyone must bring something or sometimes 2 somethings.

The night pretty much goes like this...mingling and catching up. Then a line is formed weaving in and out of several rooms where we count off until we have an offical head count. Then we take a moment of silence and remember and mention those who have passed away and those who are with us in spirit followed by a blessing the family wrote a while ago for this occasion. Then forms an incredibly long line through the kitchen and the smorgesboard that lies on every flat surface throughout the kitchen in my grandfathers house. Tables are set up in all areas of the house including the hallway. You can even find some enjoying their meal in bedrooms. After the dessert table is hit, the family not cleaning up goes for a walk around Burgaw down the main drag to the school and back. My immediate family on the way back stops in front of the family department store for my mom's christmas card picture. We go back to the house only to get a group photo of most people from the night. After that, the oyster eater head count for the next evening is taken and the crowds dispurse to rest up for the following day.

Black Friday is known as the busiest shopping day of the year. This part of our fall festivities is no different. We just break from it early so that we may drive to the riverhouse Friday afternoon. When you arrive, you will most likely see that century old cabin looking rustic as ever set back behind the trees with the Northeast Cape Fear silently placed in the background. Someone will most likely be washing oysters as Leslie, the man in charge of the main course, stokes the bonfire. You see, we do oysters the old fashioned way. We get an outside fire going until the coals are nice and hot. Then a piece of sheet metal is placed on top and set on metal standing rods. A bushel at a time, the oysters are dumped out on top of the sheet metal and covered with wet burlap to steam them.

We mainly eat outside on huge cable spool tables covered in newspaper. As the freshly steamed oysters are dumped upon the table, there is a mad dash and within minutes the crowd around the table has made quick work of them. Sometimes a guitar is brought ( I will probably do it this year)and we sing songs around the fire and eat drink and be merry until it is time to say our goodbyes.

With the 3 day Harrell Thanksgiving over, the relatives slowly start making their way all over the map back to their own homes and it all dies down until the next year when those same traditions, still stand and are renewed. For us, it a celebration of the closness no matter how far away, a reminder that we are there for one another no matter what, and an unsaid promise that this family cannot be broken.

The Death of Daytime Drama

For over 40 years, daytime drama, or soap opera's as we commonly call them, have been captivating housewives and stay at home moms for generations. Before I could crawl, walk, or talk, I was watching Soaps. My mother since she was a pre teen had been hooked on All My Children. I grew up with the cast of characters and loved seeing the story lines unravel to reveal some rediculous story that seemed so pliable as it played out in front of me.

Many of these characters I knew so well, better than even some real life friends. Adam Chandler and Erica Kane were the powerhouses I aspired to be. Greenlee and Kendall had the spark and fire I wished I possessed. I identified with small pieces of many of these characters and cried when a beloved character died and wondered who the killer was with every murder. I learned about romance from this show and how many ways it could go so terribly wrong.

In September, after 42 years, my beloved Soap aired for the last time. I cried. It was like a relative had just been killed and I found myself hating that last episode and thinking how stupid it was but in all actuality, there was no good way to end it. The next day, to my horror, the 1pm slot was filled with a dumb "cooking show meets The View" show called the Chew, and yes, the show is as tasteless as the name.
This month, they are taking away my second favorite Soap, One Life to Live, again it has been on the air longer than I have been on this earth. Who knows what crap will be in the 2pm spot now.

Now ABC has decided to put the final nail in the coffin and cancelled General Hospital as well to make way for boring reality TV that makes me want to cancel cable. I wonder if they know that they are ending a genre. Daytime Emmys will never be the same if they are even around much longer. Drama will no longer be scripted but appear as "reality" where antics and bad behavior impress younger minds as the way to behave. Actors will no longer have a way to jump start their careers.

How a vulgar skanky boozehound like Snooki won out over a classy self made woman like Victoria Lord, I dont know. How asparagus cooking could ever be more interesting than Janet from Another Planet throwing her twin down a well to steal her husband will never make sense to me. A sign of the times?? Yeah, but a very sad and discouraging one if you ask me.

Home Schooling???

SO I am probably going to meet many unhappy faces after posting this blog, but since I write it for me, I really don't care at this point. The topic: home schooling. Pretty much any topic concerning children in which you don't smile and nod at everything some other parent believes in and agree with, is going to be frowned upon and argued with and quite frankly, I am tired of it.

In this case, I come at the topic of home schooling as a person who went to college and was trained for 4 years as an educator before entering the public world of education and teaching for 2 years. Does this make me an expert on the subject, no, but it does make me a knowledgeable one and that is the point I am getting at. I am seeing more and more moms out of the blue up and decide "hey, I am going to home school my kids." So, do they even know what that involves? Not a one.

Sure, they know they have to go to the Board of Education and pick up their packet but that is where it ends. To me, it is an insult to regular educators. Whether you are an intelligent person or not, unless you have training or a background in the subject, how can you possibly think this is a grand idea? You get your hair done by a professional, trained in their art. If you do this with something as superficial as hair, how is it justified to take something as important as your child's education and leave it to someone who has no clue what they are doing, even if that someone is you? Just like there are good hairdressers and bad ones, the same can be said for teachers and school systems. Hell, the same can be said for just about any profession.

This is what irks me. I worked hard to earn my degree and was proud to be a teacher even though I am no longer one. Who is to say I will never go back to it? But to pretend to think you know what teaching entails when you have never studied it in detail, to think you can plop worksheets and a computer in front of a kid and call it teaching, does the profession a disservice as well as that child. This isn't like the game you played when you were 8 and made your siblings be your "students". All you are doing is taking away from your child in socialization skills and contributing to their educational detriment. Not only that but in order to teach effectively, you need structure, consistency, and a schedule that is detailed and stuck to. The few people I have heard, boasting that they can home school are unfortunately the same people whom I have never seen show a modicum of any of these attributes.

The only way I find home schooling to be helpful is in the case of some physical and mental handicaps and even then, only if you have proper educational training yourself. If for some reason it has to be home schooling then at least have enough sense to find someone with a teaching background who is home schooling in your area to take them to.

Fat, Old, and Happy

Today is the day before my 31st birthday and I feel no older than I did a year ago really. However, thinking back to 10 years ago, it is surreal how different life is. I was about 30 pounds lighter and full of a vivacious energy that never seemed depleted. I lived in an apartment with a man I was planning to marry, did marry, divorced and now we both are married to other people and haven't spoken to each other in years. I was finishing up college and planning a wedding. I went out dancing and partying at least once a week. I had no money and no car payments and an old Chevy Malibu that carried with it the demeanor of an old codger, with a temperment all it's own. I miss that car. Life seemed so simple and I was sure I had it all figured out. I couldnt wait to legally drink and then it happened and I wondered where the big deal went. I was completely in shape and went to the gym in the afternoons and had a body I would kill to have again. I had a cell phone with a whopping 300 minutes which was way too much and I would never use that much. I had an external caller ID and voicemail machine and used checks or paid cash. All my papers and assignments were stored on Zip drives or floppy disks. All my furnature was hand-me-down from the butterfly patterned couch to the formica table with the egg chairs that were missing wheels on the bottom and wobbled. I was responsible for me and me alone. I did my own thing and thought I was so responsible. I bought beer on every grocery trip and went to impromptu parties at friends houses without hesitation. If only I knew then what I know now.

A small fortune was spent on a wedding for a marraige that lasted 7 months. I went from butterfly couch to pillows on the floor in an even tinier apartment, alone, scared and uncertain but better, stronger. I learned what real unconditional love is. I learned that he can make huge mistakes and so can I but that we always come back to each other because that is the "life doesn't make sense without you" kind of love, the "feels like home" "soulmate" kind of love. I went from no car payment to having two now and thinking that a year lease was a big commitment to a fixed APR and a 30 year loan for more money than I have ever borrowed in my lifetime. I learned about commitment and real responsibility. I felt what it is like to grow a life and in that learned a love too powerful to even be describable. For the first time, I realized what true exhaustion was, what it was like to put someone else's wants and needs before your own without it even being a conscious decision. I went from one cell phone to 4 on a family plan and a car with no air conditioning or power steering to a car with 2 DVD players and a touch screen. My tiny one bedroom apartment turned into a 3 bedroom home.

My ususally neat and tidy ways became more relaxed and toys now line my floors. Going dancing and drinking now makes me feel old as I am aware that those around me were me a decade ago. Sitting at home on a Friday night watching Ghost Adventures with my husband checking on my sleeping children, seems more my speed these days. I store my graduate work on flash drives smaller than my finger and beer and wine are for special occasions. My cell phone has a touch screen and accesses the internet. I have a wood dining table and a couch from an actual furnature store. I haven't seen the inside of a gym in quite a while. My needs and wants come last for the most part. Yet my restless days seem to have been trying and searching for this life I have now. Maybe I wasn't aware of all the details, but unlike then, I am fat, old, and happy.

Soul Searching, Educationally Speaking

Those of you that know me well know I am indecisive and yet impulsive, usually all at the same time. Well, in the decision to further my education, this traits fell into play again. I originally signed up for an MBA thinking it sounded impressive and that I could use something like this to broaden my horizons. Fast forward to six weeks in and I am lost and come to the realization that business sense has escaped me. In addition to that, I was in the corporate world for 6 years and for the most part, didn't like it aside from the fabulous benefits and bonuses. So why oh why, on my quest for self happiness would I try and chain myself to that world forever? The answer is, I wouldn't. Not to sound pompus but I think that who I am is too much to be contained inside a cubicle all day in front of a computer screen. It would literally kill me.

So now what? Well, I have never dropped out of school and I don't plan on starting now. I am simply switching programs. The education field is not for me right now. Having been an educator and being married to one, there is too much frustration there for me. If I had to deal with the bullshit that these poor teachers have to put up with from parents, students, administration, and the board and government, you can bet I would be going postal at someone. My husband and all the teachers in this area must have the patience of saints. No, my undergrad minor is in Psychology and after reviewing the graduate program, it seems like that just might be my nitche.