I haven't written on this in a while because I have been living in this facade that I thought was me getting involved in something and becoming excited about life again and today I was hit with the realization that it was nothing more than being used once again.  I am so tired of constantly seeking the best in people only to be let down time and time again. Constantly thinking people genuinely like me only to find out they could care less whether I live or die.  It hurts too damn much when you are let down, knowing that while you are crushed they walk away unscythed. I was just starting to think I had a handle on what was up and now very little makes sense anymore. I don't want to be here.  I haven't wanted to be here in a while.  I have had this stupid blog here for over a year and only a handful of people even read the fucking thing. Everybody says they care about you but most of them don't. Most will never even realize when you are gone. They only say it because they thing it is the PC thing to say or it makes them sound better, all of which has nothing to do with anyone but themselves. It's funny how when you get angry at someone for letting you down or hurting you, they come back at you with anger instead of simply realizing they made you feel this way and righting that wrong is all you ever really wanted anyway.  I am done.  I am done trusting people who do not deserve it and thinking optimistically about their intentions.  I am just simply done.