Part of a Pack

done a lot of traveling lately. been to upstate NY, Canada, Philly and this weekend, I conquered the Midwest. My sister lives in St. Louis and the plan was to see her before she was deployed overseas. I am able to be the most frank and honest when I am around her and can tell her anything. The past 24 hours though, I have simply observed and in doing so, answered a few questions of my own.

She and are of the same cloth in the sense that we are complete pack animals. We are content not being alpha but are happiest as part of a team or community. This may be the key to my recent funk. In high school I had Michelle and Gina and we formed our sisterhood. As long as I had them, I could make it through anything. We did everything together. In college it was the fab 5. We did everything together too and I felt loved and accepted and happy with them. The only thing missing then was a decent romantic relationship. I thought once I found that then I would be all set and 100% complete.

Fast forward to now. These members of the pack have moved on to different places and while the love is still there, we aren't, in the literal physical sense. I have the romantic relationship with a good man but for me, it isn't enough. I need to run with the pack again. I thought having my husband and kids would be all the pack I need but it isn't. Even wolves have to be surrounded not only by their relatives, but their chosen other pack members too. Maybe this need makes me dysfunctional but I can't be the only one out there that doesn't just want to find their niche and a group. To call it a want is an understatement. For me, it is an imperative need in order to feel like I am a well rounded balanced individual.

My sister has not one, but several packs. She is the playful pup in the group and while it may not define her, it makes her socially happy. I watched her care less about social stigmas and simply enjoy who she was while she was around people that accepted her in the most profoundly simple ways. Today I sit, waiting for her rugby game to start and see her have passion, and comradery,not being the lone wolf and in the process, making life happen. I am in awe and achingly want that for myself.

Here Goes Nothin

So I guess you can say I am new to this whole world of Blogging and, like everything else in my meager existence, I have no clue as to what I am doing. You see, I come from a family of geniuses, In addition to being such paragons of intelligence, they also have the biggest quality of all that I wish I had inherited, but alas, it was not in my genetic makeup. This admirable quality I am referring to is being goal oriented and focused in life. This is not to say they knew from an early age what they wanted but rather, when they knew, they stuck with it and excelled in the process.

Throughout my entire life I have been, what is commonly referred to a Jack of All Trades, Master of None. I have tried a variety of skills, hobbies and lifestyles ranging across the spectrum but unfortunately have never become more than mediocre at a single one of them.As a child, I tried all sorts of sports and activities as did my sisters. The difference was, they found one or three that they were really good at and stuck with it and were rewarded with trophies, ribbons and titles. I, on the other hand, dabbled in everything from karate to modeling and always quit after a short time. School was no different. In my opinion, the social aspect of my education was always more important than the curriculum part. This followed me all the way into college and while I somehow managed to get a degree, I cannot honestly say that I completely earned it. My grades from primary school until I received that were, as always, average. The fact that I stuck with school and completed alone, bordered on incredulous.

I may have been able to chalk up all of that mediocrity to being young and impetuous, but since I am now entering my 30's and still living in the Land of the Mediocre, I don't think that will pass muster anymore. I live in a nice but average home, I have the average family of four, consisting of a supportive husband, and an incredible little boy and girl, oddly enough, all above average in almost every way. I have the average job as an average drone for a large national corporation. I drive an average car with an average middle class income. I suppose starting this blog, I somehow hoped, would eventually drag me out of my average everyday normalcy and into something important.Whether that importance is simply my own personal growth or aiding others and making a difference somehow, I don't know. Either way, here goes nothin.