Part of a Pack

done a lot of traveling lately. been to upstate NY, Canada, Philly and this weekend, I conquered the Midwest. My sister lives in St. Louis and the plan was to see her before she was deployed overseas. I am able to be the most frank and honest when I am around her and can tell her anything. The past 24 hours though, I have simply observed and in doing so, answered a few questions of my own.

She and are of the same cloth in the sense that we are complete pack animals. We are content not being alpha but are happiest as part of a team or community. This may be the key to my recent funk. In high school I had Michelle and Gina and we formed our sisterhood. As long as I had them, I could make it through anything. We did everything together. In college it was the fab 5. We did everything together too and I felt loved and accepted and happy with them. The only thing missing then was a decent romantic relationship. I thought once I found that then I would be all set and 100% complete.

Fast forward to now. These members of the pack have moved on to different places and while the love is still there, we aren't, in the literal physical sense. I have the romantic relationship with a good man but for me, it isn't enough. I need to run with the pack again. I thought having my husband and kids would be all the pack I need but it isn't. Even wolves have to be surrounded not only by their relatives, but their chosen other pack members too. Maybe this need makes me dysfunctional but I can't be the only one out there that doesn't just want to find their niche and a group. To call it a want is an understatement. For me, it is an imperative need in order to feel like I am a well rounded balanced individual.

My sister has not one, but several packs. She is the playful pup in the group and while it may not define her, it makes her socially happy. I watched her care less about social stigmas and simply enjoy who she was while she was around people that accepted her in the most profoundly simple ways. Today I sit, waiting for her rugby game to start and see her have passion, and comradery,not being the lone wolf and in the process, making life happen. I am in awe and achingly want that for myself.