The War Between the Sexes: Date on Your Side of the Mason Dixon Line

     
While dating, I can honestly say that I never had a "type". Fat, thin, tall, short, nerd, jock...all that I looked for was a connection with that individual. Ultimately, it never worked out and I was always left wondering if it was me and my friends would always tell me it wasn't except for now I have to believe it was in fact me, at least in most cases.

When I came down here to go to college I was inundated with southern gentleman and together with my cute group of girls, it was like hunting fish in a barrel. But like most college relationships, these were mostly for fun and very short lived but that didn't stop me from getting my heart broken and even being told I was loved a couple times and twice it was returned. Ultimately, I was not what they were looking for and didn't fit the image they had of the girl who should be their arm. Why? My guess was because as southern men they wanted a southern belle and that is most certainly not me.

Southern men are looking for southern gentility and charm. When met with a girl who can pull that off but at heart has been raised a Northerner, it is too much and they simply cannot handle it. My most epic failed relationships were with men raised in the south, and the one I clicked the most with is my husband who grew up two hours away from where I did in PA. Don't get me wrong. In 10 years I have frustrated, angered, and annoyed the everlasting crap out of him but he stuck around and loves me because he has an understanding of how I work. My guess is most Northern girls have a similar M.O. How is that exactly?

Never in my life have I said "bless your heart." What does that even mean? I am not perfectly put together the second I wake up and am not a working Martha Stewart model. I am as crass as I am classy. Northern women are the chameleons of the world and the best part is they are 100% in being so. You can take us to a black tie affair and we can work that room like it was made for us and later take us to a dive bar where we can own it the exact same way with a beer bottle in our hands. Northern women do not hold back and speak their minds. We can cuss like a sailor and also be as eloquent as poetry. We are fiery, passionate, women and have no problems calling people out. We enjoy a good argument and thrive under the pressures of a challenge.

Southern men simply are not prepared and are ill equipped to handle the likes of a Northern personality in a woman. We are intimidating and pushy to them and are way beyond what their mammas warned them about. The southern men in my life simply did not know how to handle me. I may have seemed intriguing at first but ultimately I scared them. The point in all this is my hypothesis. Yankee girls will do best to find Yankee men in their lives. Leave the southern men to the southern girls and we might all be better off.

 My husband loves analogies so I will end with one. There are two types of storm chasers; those who watch the twister from a safe distance, careful not to get too close and then there are those who get right in the middle of the storm. Northern men have no problems being the latter and I commend them for it.

 

Energy Vampires

        Last night, I was with a group talking about all sorts of things and one of the topics was energy vampires. The term itself raises eyebrows but before your mind gets too lost in images of Dracula and Twilight characters, redirect please because we have all come into contact with one of these.

       Energy Vampires are those negative people that enter your life and their very presence in it can literally suck the energy from you and leave you feeling tired and drained after contact with them. For some, it is a family member and others it is simply a friend whom for whatever reason you just can't shake. These people lurk everywhere. At work, school, and other various activities. A great quote was brought up from a Jewel song that says "Do not lend yourself to that which you wish to be free from." The obvious solution to these people in your life is to cut them loose and hope the door hits them on the way out. But as we all know, life is rarely so cut and dry. So then what?

      Protect and block. If by some cruel twist of fate you are forced to deal with the soul sucking negativity of an energy vamp, it is up to you to take control of the situation in order to preserve your own sanity. One way to deflect is to simply tune them out when they start to overwhelm you with their drama. If you are like me and internalize everything however, this is somewhat more difficult. So, what to do. A mental arsenal needs to be built and odd as this may seem, people in the paranormal fields use this as well so as to not absorb negative energy. One method is to use a talismen. Carry an object around in your pocket that you can draw positive strength from. When your boss from hell starts laying into you grab hold of that small object and draw strength from it. My husband carries about a bullet casing from the 21 gun salute at his brothers funeral. Oddly enough, his death is not what is remembered when he touches it, but his brothers strength, fortitude, and the love he had for him. I have a few objects that I can draw strength from but I chose a different method usually.

     A mental talismen, or state of mind, if visualized correctly, can act as a powerful shield against negative energy. My most powerful one is the one I call the Mother Bear. The most powerful love I have ever felt is the love I have for my children and the ones I love. I would break all rules and rationality for it and when threatened, it is a force to be reckoned with. Through many trials and tribulations I have learned to when I am hurt upset by others, it inadvertantly effects the ones I love negatively. That fierce protection instinct is my shield. When the negativity starts coming my way, I have to use this shield because I know that by letting it effect me, it will inevitably impact them and I will be damned if I will allow that.

     I am by no means perfect at doing this and I still let people get to me way more than I should. But by practicing that visualization of invoking a powerful emotion as a tool, I believe I can become better. Many limits of the mind are unknown and untapped. But I believe that this is a useful skill set to have and since the mind is a muscle, it should be utilized in many capacities. In this case, it helps you to be a more positive person with a protected psyche.



Finding a Balance

A friend of mine wrote a post today about saying what you mean and doing what you say and how this simple concept is not readily used in today's society. I have been thinking a lot about the world my children are entering into and I believe that we have gone a little to far in trying to protect our people and our children. She is right in what she said so I thought I would elaborate on it a bit.

The public school system in this country is a laughable joke, literally in some other countries. We have focused far too much attention on giving in to children's emotions, feelings, and social limitations that we have pretty much thrown learning out the window. I say this with firsthand knowledge, but teachers spend maybe 20% of their time teaching and the other 80% managing behavior. 50 years ago school was for learning, parents sided with the teacher, and corporal punishment was a real threat, kids learned something and there were no kids graduating without knowing how to read. Also sure that there were still bullies, learning disabilities and all other obstacles that kids face now but the majority came out relatively unscathyed. 

Here is what our country needs to do in order to become better. Simplify, people. The government is too big and corrupt. Take it back to how our founding fathers had it. Criminals should not get off on technicalities. Erase technicalities. Stupid lawsuits for spilling hot coffee on yourself and other useless get rich quick schemes should not be tolorated and thrown out and ignored. Medical lawsuits should be done away with, drug companies should stop making silly cosmetic drugs like eyelash enhancers and lower the cost of their critical products, and doctors should go back to actually caring about the patients, not the healthcare companies and drup reps. This would eliminate the healthcare crisis in this country.

 Just like driving, school should be a priveledge. You are being given an opportunity to better yourself. You want to show your ass and fool around and cause problems for that poor teacher all your classmates? Leave and don't come back. See how quick a parent can whip their kid into shape when they have to deal with their crap all day long and stay home with the little brat or find someone tolerant enough to do so. Parents need to go back to raising their kids and not pushing that responsibility off on day care and school systems. We need to take care of our elderly relatives too while we are at it. There are many family units these days but in trying to recognize all of them too many have lost the sense of family. That needs to be regained and quickly.

The government...oh this is a fun one. Quite simply, as an offical, you get paid the same as every other middle class blue collar worker out there and no one should be allowed to give themselves raises when being paid with government money. By simplifying the governement, your job becomes less. In 1776, our Congress and Senate was made up of forward minded candlemakers, printers, and farmers. That is where it needs to be again. Big businesses are TOO big and the word business literally claims to value primarily making as much income as possible. Business does not need to have any part in politics. We have so many choices now that we can afford to be selective without help from the government concerning what businesses we wish to back. We still may have taxation with representation but only barely. There is a tax on pretty much everything now. Pet tax, car tax, even tax on tax returns now. That needs to go. Tax the basics and move on with life. Maybe then our government will stop spending so much on petty frivolities and take a serious look at the budget and where it seriously should go.

We the people....that is written somewhere, is it not? We have become desensitized to what life is about. We have veered away from loving thy neighbor in a drastic way. Don't believe me? Ever watch those "What Would You Do" specials on TV? People walk right past a bad situation and only a few ever step forward to take action against it. Abortions, marraige, and all other social platforms should not be campaigning fodder. They are social so allow society to work that out on their own terms. We the people need to focus on gaining more as a community and less about trying to control every aspect of each others lives. This country is supposed to be a melting pot of not only different ethnicities but different ideologies as well. If this country wants to be better, we have to become more tolorant of each others beliefs and values. We have to scale down in a big way and stop trying to make so many rules that the system fails us. We have to stop overpaying musicians and athletes and start paying nurses and teachers. We, as a country, need to get our priorities strait and right now they are catywompus. One failed bomb attempt at an airport and we cannot bring water bottles through security. But how many school shootings have happened and still nothing done about that.

There will always be bad things out in this world. Murder, rape, poverty, bigotry, and corruption are all things that throughout the history of humanity have always been. It is likely they always will be. It is simply the balance of things. People in their self indulgent entitlement, have lost sight of the bigger picture. We all do, from time to time, but it seems to be trending more towards a permanant state of mind. What is wrong with this country is not the president, gun control, gay rights, or any other popular topic. It is the general attitude of it's citizens which needs to change before the history of this country repeats itself.

Small Creatures Open Hearts

I have not written in a while and the reason why also happens to be the subject of this blog.

     The weekend before Halloween was an event at the Latimer House on Victorian Mourning that myself and two other girls had been working on for months.  Friday the 26th of October came around and we were bustling around the mansion in anticipation and some amount of concern over the approaching Hurricane Irene that was supposed to be effecting the weather that night and the rest of the weekend.  Despite the rain, Friday night ran smoothly and we had a decent turnout for out event. At one point, I went outside to talk to Colleen on the porch when we all heard what sounded like a shriek and a squeak all at one time. It was followed by a group of young men walking in front of the house stopping and one of them stating "Dude, you stepped on a baby squirrel." At that, I ran out into the rain and dark only to find a small pathetic and extremely frightened baby squirrel no more than 5 weeks old shivering on the wet pavement. I immediately scooped him up, ignoring the warnings statements of danger of rabies around me, and took him inside (note: rodents are incapable of having rabies. Other diseases, yes, but that is not one of them). I found a cardboard box and some old dish towls and placed him inside to get warm. From the second I saw him frozen on the ground, that squirrel had my heart and I named him Empie, after one of the last members of the Latimer family to live in this mansion.

 

 

I was hesitant to put much hope into him lasting the night but immediately went to Wal-Mart and got kitten formula powder, a small hamster cage, and some blankets. Believe it or not, this was not my first squirrel.  Eric had brought home a squirrel named Nuts about 7 years ago that we had taken care of but he had had a seizure and passed away.  So every 3 to 4 hours, I fed that squirrel with a syringe, so diligently that he was brought to both work and church in the beginning of our time together so as to stay on his feeding schedule. As the weeks went by, he grew and grew and so did our love for each other. I became, in almost every respect, his mother, and he knew it.

 

He began to escape his cage and go looking around the house for me when I left. In fact, when he moved to a bigger cage, it was almost impossible to keep him contained in it since he would creep out and begin his search for Mom. When he couldnt find me, he inevitibly would return to the stack of his own personal blankets on top of his cage and snuggle down and wait for my return. Even when he was moved outside during the day so he could adapt to the outside, this is what he continued to do. When I was around, he was on me or Eric....constantly. I would cook dinner with a squirrel crawling from my shoulder to my back to my leg and then up to my head and so forth. When I ate breakfast, I did so one handed because my other hand was occupied in squirrel wrestling which he never tired of. When I sat on the couch, he would sit on me or run the length of it, terrorizing the cats as he did so. The cats never knew what to make of him because while intrigued by this small creature, they also knew of my attachment to it, and therefore, left him alone.

 

The beginning of this week, Empie started acting more reserved and not his typical wiggly, squirrelish self. He was no longer escaping his confines and looking for me. He did not run up and down my person as he usually did.  I assumed he had a spill while outside during the day and was taking it easy, so I gave him some TLC, extra cuddle time and thought he would return to his usual self once he healed. Thursday night I held him in a blanket and snuggled him while sorting through the kids Christmas presents.  At midnight I gave him kisses, told him I loved him and placed him in the nest he made out of a blanket. Yesterday morning, Eric awoke and found him still and cold, looking as if he was still dreaming. We are having him creamated and a pawprint made of my amazing little friend. Yes, he was a squirrel, but everyone that spent time with him adored him. He was the sweetest and most wonderful squirrel I have ever known and my heart aches because of the huge void that has been left in my life by this tiny creature who in such a short time, became such a large part of it. Rest in Peace Empie, my sweet angel squirrel.

 





Angels and Demons

Halloween is fast approaching and with it comes all the events and festivities that the start of the holiday season brings.  Halloween however brings with it all the spooks and scary bumps in the night that thrill us over and over again. Most people that know me know I am a little odd and with that comes my newfound interest in the paranormal. While I write this even, I am reviewing EVP's or electromagnetic voice phenomenon from the battleship. Years ago I was a complete skeptic but in the past few years, I have been proven wrong in a series of several events.

Last night I was watching a television show which featured demons and demonic possession on several levels and once done, flipped over to the ABC show, Once Upon a Time that I had DVR'd and I had a wild and probably unprovable theory, linking the two. Here it is.

Catholic priests are trained in demonic possession and have been since the start of Christianity. There are records of such things and while exorcisms were probably practiced more unecessarily than not, I believe possession is possible, extremely rare, but possible. Before it was even written, tales of angels, demons, spirits, princes, princesses, dragons, faeries, magic and the supernatural have existed. These stories have been passed down from generation to generation and many from each genre have been written and elaborated on through the course of time.

Given that these stories have intermingled and often intertwined, I had a thought. What if the key to freeing a posessed soul from evil was a kiss? It worked for Sleeping Beauty and Snow White who were clearly under an evil spell. Even if you pull away from the fairy tales, the way to fight bad is with good, hate with love, the devil with God. For every ying there is a yang, a balance to be kept. Demonic posession is said to fill you with hate and evil.  What better way to fight that than with a pure and good act of love?

The problem with this is, who in there right mind would even test this theory out? You come across a person acting posessed and the first thing you want to do is get as far away as possible, not pull them into a loving embrace. Not to mention you are battling forces unknown and if this theory proved to be be wrong, all involved could be in some serious trouble.

Ok my paranormal friends, and even my skeptics.  Weigh in and tell me what you think.

Attachment Parenting

I want to start by saying that yes this is a blog about my own negative views on attachment parenting and no I am not condeming all those who use it, I just personally think it is stupid and if you think that what follows this will offend you, I ask you to now stop reading and read something more to your liking. With that said....

Yeah stupid and here is my example that has me going off on this particular subject today. Some of you may or may not know that I am a preschool teacher now working with toddlers. Today I saw a particularly sweet young girl who was rather grumpy and later found out that this child, her parents and sister all sleep in the same bed as part of their attachment parenting. But, they all go to bed together at the parents bedtime which is generally between midnight and 2am. This sleepy child then was roused in enought time to get her to school. It is a proven fact that young children infants through the toddler stage need anywhere from 10 to 14 hours of sleep a night. Don't believe me? Ask a pediatrician or 5. This child was two and never has near that amount of sleep because she has no bedtime and her parents are running on their own schedule which conflicts with their children and is having more of a negative impact than anything else.

Here is where my problem lies. Generally, the people I have notice practicing attachment parenting are bypassing their childs needs in order to follow this fad whose popularity has only recently grown to a recognizable level.  Thing is, your child isn't a fad or a trendy accessory or attachement. They are a living breathing human being whose needs far exceed your own. In order to establish your child as a functional well adjusted part of society, there is no need for a parenting "type". You want your child to establish an attachement to you? Simply be a good parent and the rest will follow. What does this mean?

It means, children need sleep and lots of it so give it to them. They need their own space as well as time with others. They thrive on a schedule and need boundaries.  Without this you get that kid you see in Wal Mart that makes you question the direction of mankind. They need healthy food to eat. Leading me into point two...breastfeeding. I did it with both my kids so I am very pro breastfeeding but like with everything, there are limits. Once a child is able to eat a steady normal diet to fullfill all nutritional needs, there no need for the nutritional value breastmilk holds. Nursing a child until they are 4 or 5 serves no purpose at all except to allow the mother to hold onto a bond that is no longer necessary.  I mean really.....create a new way to bond and get used to it.  You will proabably have to keep creating for the rest of your life because change happens and it is healthy.

With both these points, bedtime and breastfeeding, it would seem that attachement parenting is less about the kids and more of a way for a parent to fullfill their needs through their child. Many children I have come across being raised this way, either become normal people in spite of this rearing, same as all those that aren't, or they become people who are not self sufficient, have attachement and social disorders, and no boundaries.

I am not a perfect parent, there is no such creature. However, I believe in paying attention to my kids need and wants and instead of following a style of parenting, trying to understand and do what is best for them with the philosophy "all things in moderation".  I don't need my kids to be overly attached to me and they sure as hell don't need that either. They need a mother that loves them and shows it in a variety of ways, encourages them to be independent and balanced. My kids and I don't need a rulebook on how to raise and be raised. We do things our own way and it works a hell of a lot better.

I Want to Move to a Different Country

This afternoon my family and I arrived home from a week long journey of visiting family and friends starting in New York, making our way to Pennsylvania and our last visit placed us in Alexandria, VA. While the focus of this trip was family, I could not help but notice the people around me as they unknowingly displayed obnoxious after self absorbed displays of complete entitlement. None of this was more self evident than when these fine specimens of humanity attempted to drive.

The levels of ignorance and stupidity seem to increase when hitting the highway.The amazing part of driving over two thousand miles in a trip is watching traffic come to a grinding halt for absolutely no reason. There was no accident or construction for us.  However at every exit, merging traffic or not, traffic came to a standstill. Then there were the left lane bandits and everyone has encountered them. These are the idiots whom, for whatever reason, ride the left lane going extremely slow and completely oblivious to the 20 cars attempting to pass them and shooting glaring looks as they do. Worse even is when they create a roadblock by riding side by side with a car or truck in the right lane going extremely slow and again, either don't care or ignore the ever growing number of cars that are slowly piling up behind them. When my blood began to boil, however was when passing said lane Nazi and shooting them your dirtiest look, they don't even see it.  Why? Because they are texting on their phone of course as they do 60 in a 70 and traffic flow is averaging 78.

My other encounter happened at the grocery store with my one item standing at the checkout in front of a rather large woman also holding one item, a cake.  Thinking this would be a quick trip, my friend and I waited patiently behind her. As soon as it became her turn, another woman followed by about 5 or 6 kids, pushes past us exclaiming "I'm wit her!!" Her cart is filled with a variety of junk food and several half eaten cookies as she takes her self presumed place in front of the cashier. Meanwhile, the kids are running amuck as she obliviously loads her goods on the counter. packs of gum are being thrown, opened and the front of the store is filled with yells and shouts from these imps. When one of the women seem to finally take notice of the children, they do nothing to stop the madness but instead have one of the older girls scream in the face of the line jumper "I WANT SOME GUM NOW!!". This loud, insolent demand was met with her requested reward for such blatently rude behavior. When they finally did leave, the once tidy area was in disaray and not one person said a word, simply exchanged looks of disapproval.

Has society always been this self serving and entitled and I was not aware of it or is it indeed getting progressively worse? This problem infiltrates every aspect of our lives from politics to grocery trips. People need to stop being so self absorbed and start becoming more self aware as well as paying attention to their surroundings and start holding themselves accountable for their choices and actions. Sounds easy but the majority of the population has yet to do it.  I wholeheartedly believe that this simple shift as a personal goal for everyone could make a huge difference towards making this world a better place.  Most of us already know how, it is simply a matter of acting on it and becoming more aware of your choices, actions and others.