Spring is in the Air

It has been very hard to imagine that for the past two months it has been winter here, given that the normal temperature is usually in the high 60's and the sky is bright blue with the sun blazing above. In fact, the seems a bit more like we skipped strait from Fall to Spring. Being such it has thrown my yearly internal clock off kilter. For instance, the past couple of days it has been sunny, clear and around 70 degrees outside. It is at this point that my Spring inner workings start processing the part of my crainium that says "Project Time!!!". Now I know it is only February and our funds are still limited but everywhere I look in this house, I see a project waiting to happen. So this week, i finally caved to my urges and started off small by creating a tile border around one very plain mirror in my bathroom. This then spread to putting a border around the ugly light fixture above that mirror and voila, my need has been somewhat quenched and for very little time and effort. I have managed to "pretty up" in a minor way but it is always the little details that can make a big difference. SO now what? left twiddling my thumbs yet again, the itch begins and there is so much I want to do. I want my bathroom fixtures replaced. I want to paint and panel the bathrooms and Katie's room. I want a tile backsplash in the kitchen. My yard.....Jesus, my yard. If I could get a whole new yard dropped around the house, that would be great. My poor Mercedes sits longingly in the driveway, begging for some attention. The problem with these things is a seemingly large amount of funding. So I have to do these projects a little at a time and in between take on free projects in between.

So far, I have a few lined up. Painting is the first thing that comes to mind. In case you were wondering, A.C. Moore has an insane sale on canvases. So I bought in bulk and am going to get inspired. Acrylic paint is also on sale which I have decided I like much better than oil. I also have a sketch book I need to take to a park sometime and just freehand. My family history is an ongoing work in progress. Irecently found more information on my grandmother's side of the family which I think I have made sense of but now have to retype so it makes sense to anyone who ever reads it. Ghost hunting comes next. Well, I joined a group hoping to actually do more of this than freelancing in graveyards on my own but unfortunately all my group has done is meet at a pool hall and eat drink and play pool. So I am hoping next month to actually start doing something relevant. I have a lot of the equipment, just need a site. If you read this and know of anywhere, let me know. Music is still there but more in the background since I have felt less compelled to play and I am working to understand why that is. My cooking skills are improving thanks to the lack of funds for always eating out and I can often get creative with dinner just as easily as I can with cakes even though cakes are so much sweeter.

The way I figure it is that I am chosing to spend my time and energy on positive things wheras a year ago, I could not really say that. It is good to be involved in things and I like having the freedom and time to explore my options. People don't get enough of that these days. I am just very glad and very thankful I have the help and support I need to be one of the lucky few.

Humanity and the Legal System at it's Finest

Today has left me feeling extremely frustrated with people in general and the legal system in all it's glory. My day starts by waking up thinking about a problem that has plagued me for almost a year now. Last February I gave a guy $300 and an old saddle that my Granny had given me before she died in hopes that he would restore it. He had a website showing previous work and assured me it would be completed in two weeks time. As the months drug on he kept assuring me he was working on it always making excuses. Then at the end of the summer he moved to Indiana and stole my saddle and took it with him. He has continued to lie to me telling me he has it and he will send it. I even told him I would sue him and I wasn't kidding. I looked into it, received the paperwork and everything. The problem is this. The cost of filing suit and either hiring a lawyer or flying out there to appear in court could be covered by the money I would receive when I undoubtedly would win. But I would never see a dime, just like I will probably never see that saddle again. You see, Charlie is a drunk pathetic loser who spends every measly dime he makes on booze and women. You cannot squeeze blood out of a drunken stone. I cannot file here where cost would be signifigantly less because he doesn't live here. SO because that sorry sad sack ran off with my property, I get screwed if I go after him. Thank you legal system. Then I am browsing facebook and come across an article where a drug addict with two boys already gives birth to a baby girl and ten days later, puts her infant in the washer with the laundry and passes out in a drug induced sleep. The baby was found during the spin cycle by the mother's aunt very much dead. The family had been fighting to have all 3 children removed since the mother had a bad drug history but the courts allowed her to keep her children and now an infant baby girl is dead. When did the courts start protecting the guilty and letting the innocent pay? Our legal system has become to big for it's own britches. So many rulings and laws are made based off one case where mistakes were made trying to make fairness in effect, retroactive, when in fact all they have done is make it unfair for the rest of people going forward. Think of it this way; a tangled knot, much like legality has to be untangled in order to be straitened out. The bigger the knot, the harder it is to untangle. The more string used, the more of a mess you have. Our legal system needs to stop adding string to the knot and stop getting so wound up in the legality of things that it loses sight of what is right. Not saying that we should go back to the days of hanging horse theives but back then you never heard of anyone getting off on a technicality. The law was made to protect the innocent but more and more that ideal is slipping away, one technicality after another. We need to start over. We need to start looking at the bigger picture and the legal system and the government need to stop avoiding the big picture of what is wrong with this country by focusing on things like gay marraige that hurts no one, and start focusing on restoring morality and a little bit of virtue to this country's crumbing structure.

A New Year Ahead

First Day of 2012 and for most of us, it is an optimistic day. Odd really...it is just an ordinary day. It has no religious meaning an celebrates no one special. It is just a day on a calendar really. But it signals hope for so many. Hope that in the next 365 days, change will happen and things will become better. So in the Spirit of this newfound hope for change resolutions are made and faith in oneself becomes somewhat restored. In spite of impending holiday bills and the bitter chill in the air (unless you live here) a more positive spirit starts to stir and the simple jump from one month to another becomes a fresh start. So, what do I plan to do with my fresh start? I plan to relish life since last year I started out as a shattered and broken woman. The ties that matter in my life are mostly positive ones, at least the people are. This year, I have a choice and my mind is clearer in order to make the right ones. I am going to find out what truly makes me tick. I am going to explore every passion in my life and be as eclectic and interesting as possible. I am going to take on new projects without fear and finish some unfinished projects. I am going to find and follow a path to financial stability on the more serious side of things and continue to try my best as a scholar. On the flip side, I believe my personality could use some improving as well. I am going to try to be more vivacious and when opportunities arise, I am going to try harder to recognize them as they come and embrace my chances wholeheartedly. Unconditional love has always been an issue for me since it has mostly been met with obliterating blows. But I am wise enough to know who derserves it at this point and I am going to try harder to show that to those who give it to me every day. I know everyone says they are going to shed the pounds as a resolution but I have been fighting this losing battle for about a year now and giving it a very half ass attempt, I might add. But for the sake of my own self esteem and the little shred of vanity I still possess. I know most people say for health reasons or some crap like that but if I said that I would be lying. I think this simply means smaller portions and even the smallest bit of regular exercise (at least that is what I have been told). I plan on relishing my children. I do this anyway but I want them to know it. I want my daughter to know that Snuggling her is the best thing in the world for me and that I would drop everything to do it. I want my son to know that all the things we do together are cherished by me. All the cooking, crafts, and games we play together I hope stick with him forever like they will with me. I want my husband to know that still have not forgotten how a night breaking into a car with a fishing pole can end and how much all the little surprises really mean to me. Basically, I want to live better, act stronger, and be more. I want to waste less time and gain more moments and memories. I want that feeling you get after seeing a riveting movie where just for a moment, as you walk out of that theatre, you feel like maybe, just maybe, you could be that hero or heroine, and maybe, just maybe, I too can take on the world and win.

Multi Faceted

On my road to self discovery, I am finding more and more out about myself. Today, I learned that many people see me in many ways and that I have a multitude of interests that shape who I am and how each person sees me differently. My life has never been about just one thing and that is the way I like it. It is easy to give people a name based on their career or passionate interest but I don't know if that subject could be narrowed down for me. What brought all this up for me was an opportunity for a part time job that I really would love to have working with the Historical Society. History has always been an interest for me but few people know this. It was always more of a self indulgent hobby that I kept more or less to myself. It is one that I have found myself persuing in the last few months and really enjoying. The other interest that I have become more involved in these past several months is paranormal investigations. Since I was 14 I have found myself in a job that I had to have that I never really enjoyed. Teaching came close but there were too many hassles associated with it (parents, idiotic school boards and admin). This is the first time in my working adult life that I have taken a break from work, taken a good step back, and re evaluated what I WANTED to do, not what I should or have to do. For the first time, it feels like it is up to me to decide my own fate and I can play around with that a little. So why these two hobbies? People who have known me for a while know my obvious passions such as horses, children, singing and music. But these are all the same things I have been involved with since childhood. It seemed time to discover what other things I enjoy, not that I wanted to give these up, just add to them. So I have. The Paranormal and history go hand in hand. History fascinates me, especially the Civil War/Victorian era. Every time I see a picture or am at museum or watch a tv show, I wonder what it was like to live then. When I think about the paranormal, I don't really imagine Slimer from Ghostbusters. To me, it is the unknown gateway or connection to answering that very question of what was it like. If you could try and communicate to the past, why wouldn't you at least try? Worst case, you end up sitting in the dark, talking to yourself like a fool and I know I have done more foolhardy things than that.

Television These Days

I have found myself watching TV less and less these days. The common response to this is usually "good for you". However, my reasoning for this is for no other reason than the content.

The reality shows on TV boggle my mind and the popularity is something that completely confuses me. Watching shows like Teen Mom, Jersey Shore and Real Housewives in my humble opinion has no entertainment value and only shows people how to emulate bad behavior. If you want to see bad behavior, just go to Wal Mart. Why are networks paying teenage parents to neglect their children and behave horribly? Why are they paying entitled drama filled rich people even more money to behave badly on camera? Why is Snooki, a drunk fat skank a television icon with her own doll and Halloween costume?

Is this what has become of our world? Teen mothers, rich drama queens, and stupid drunks have become our idols and hero's? Why did this happen? What do the adults loving these shows, teach their children? Do the fans of these shows even stop to ponder this? A better question is, how can we turn society around? Media has a huge impact on our society whether we like it or not. I believe that is where reform should start. So if anyone even reads this, do your future and society a favor and watch shows with actual heros and heroines or watch cartoons. Not saying only watch PBS but be mindful of the things you watch and the morals you display.

Calm Before the Storm

Day before Thanksgiving....I know I am not the only one with that anxious knot in their stomach wondering if the house is clean enough, do they have all the needed groceries, is everyone going to arrive on time? In this family though, we do up this Holiday like no other. The morning starts much like other normal Thanksgiving morning. The crowded house wakes up and there is the normal hustle and bustle in the kitchen while others take showers and get ready for the day. In our house, we each have a dish that we are in charge of and have been for a long time. I have a handle on the pumpkin pie. Cay does the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce and Leah makes some fabulous intricate dessert. Misha will not be here to cook this year =(. Since I moved down to NC, my family usually spreads out between my grandparents house and mine.

The Harrell clan over the years has pretty much rolled a family reunion and Turkey Day into one huge 3 day event in Burgaw NC. Yeah, you heard me...3 days. Tonight and every night before Thanksgiving is Chili Night at Aunt Edna's house. Very informal and everyone brings a side dish and drinks and wait for all the stragglers to arrive. The kids have arranged an annual hide and seek game and long lost relative catch up from the previous year. The next day, more food and family. When I say family I need to let you know that the head count usually is between 60 and 85. Usually a group will get together that isnt doing cooking and go hunting or arrange a game of sorts. The rest of us spend our day in the kitchen. Due to the sheer numbers everyone must bring something or sometimes 2 somethings.

The night pretty much goes like this...mingling and catching up. Then a line is formed weaving in and out of several rooms where we count off until we have an offical head count. Then we take a moment of silence and remember and mention those who have passed away and those who are with us in spirit followed by a blessing the family wrote a while ago for this occasion. Then forms an incredibly long line through the kitchen and the smorgesboard that lies on every flat surface throughout the kitchen in my grandfathers house. Tables are set up in all areas of the house including the hallway. You can even find some enjoying their meal in bedrooms. After the dessert table is hit, the family not cleaning up goes for a walk around Burgaw down the main drag to the school and back. My immediate family on the way back stops in front of the family department store for my mom's christmas card picture. We go back to the house only to get a group photo of most people from the night. After that, the oyster eater head count for the next evening is taken and the crowds dispurse to rest up for the following day.

Black Friday is known as the busiest shopping day of the year. This part of our fall festivities is no different. We just break from it early so that we may drive to the riverhouse Friday afternoon. When you arrive, you will most likely see that century old cabin looking rustic as ever set back behind the trees with the Northeast Cape Fear silently placed in the background. Someone will most likely be washing oysters as Leslie, the man in charge of the main course, stokes the bonfire. You see, we do oysters the old fashioned way. We get an outside fire going until the coals are nice and hot. Then a piece of sheet metal is placed on top and set on metal standing rods. A bushel at a time, the oysters are dumped out on top of the sheet metal and covered with wet burlap to steam them.

We mainly eat outside on huge cable spool tables covered in newspaper. As the freshly steamed oysters are dumped upon the table, there is a mad dash and within minutes the crowd around the table has made quick work of them. Sometimes a guitar is brought ( I will probably do it this year)and we sing songs around the fire and eat drink and be merry until it is time to say our goodbyes.

With the 3 day Harrell Thanksgiving over, the relatives slowly start making their way all over the map back to their own homes and it all dies down until the next year when those same traditions, still stand and are renewed. For us, it a celebration of the closness no matter how far away, a reminder that we are there for one another no matter what, and an unsaid promise that this family cannot be broken.

The Death of Daytime Drama

For over 40 years, daytime drama, or soap opera's as we commonly call them, have been captivating housewives and stay at home moms for generations. Before I could crawl, walk, or talk, I was watching Soaps. My mother since she was a pre teen had been hooked on All My Children. I grew up with the cast of characters and loved seeing the story lines unravel to reveal some rediculous story that seemed so pliable as it played out in front of me.

Many of these characters I knew so well, better than even some real life friends. Adam Chandler and Erica Kane were the powerhouses I aspired to be. Greenlee and Kendall had the spark and fire I wished I possessed. I identified with small pieces of many of these characters and cried when a beloved character died and wondered who the killer was with every murder. I learned about romance from this show and how many ways it could go so terribly wrong.

In September, after 42 years, my beloved Soap aired for the last time. I cried. It was like a relative had just been killed and I found myself hating that last episode and thinking how stupid it was but in all actuality, there was no good way to end it. The next day, to my horror, the 1pm slot was filled with a dumb "cooking show meets The View" show called the Chew, and yes, the show is as tasteless as the name.
This month, they are taking away my second favorite Soap, One Life to Live, again it has been on the air longer than I have been on this earth. Who knows what crap will be in the 2pm spot now.

Now ABC has decided to put the final nail in the coffin and cancelled General Hospital as well to make way for boring reality TV that makes me want to cancel cable. I wonder if they know that they are ending a genre. Daytime Emmys will never be the same if they are even around much longer. Drama will no longer be scripted but appear as "reality" where antics and bad behavior impress younger minds as the way to behave. Actors will no longer have a way to jump start their careers.

How a vulgar skanky boozehound like Snooki won out over a classy self made woman like Victoria Lord, I dont know. How asparagus cooking could ever be more interesting than Janet from Another Planet throwing her twin down a well to steal her husband will never make sense to me. A sign of the times?? Yeah, but a very sad and discouraging one if you ask me.